i say this all the time but treatment puts a price tag on your life, but i can almost assure you that for your mom, your life has no price. i can understand that you may feel guilty for using her money for yourself but ultimately you have to realize that you are worth every penny.
i would strongly recommend getting assessed and determining what level of treatment you need and then taking the step towards getting help. if you are willing to recover right now, don’t wait. take advantage of your willingness and kick some ass. i also found that since my family worked so hard to find me help, i was more willing to accept the help and i fought harder.
keep me posted. <3
wow, good for you! :) of course the bloating will go down eventually. you just need to be gentle with your body and allow it time to adjust. every time you purge you’re just right back where you started and its really not worth it, for the bloating and for other reasons obviously.
keep fighting! you’re getting there. :)
Sometimes my thoughts really scare me. If someone else was forced to spend a day in my brain, they would surely go insane.
this is the campsite we reserved. right by the water for swimming, canoeing, fishing. i’m so excited to go; i want to leave today.
can i marry myself because i seem to be the only person who appreciates my excessive level of humor
:( the poor baby. she was sick like this when we adopted her but the animal shelter said it was nothing to worry about. the vet said that this could be a re-occurring infection for the rest of her life, especially since she was the runt of the litter and is weaker. also, she’s not allowed to leave our room because she could spread the virus to the two other cats that we have. the vet actually suggested taking her back, despite how attached we are to her. so.. she gets treated at the animal shelter and possibly has a cold for the rest of her life so no one adopts her? or we keep her, take good care of her, and give her a good life? yeah. not a hard decision there.
my sisters boyfriend ate two boxes of cookies today. one in each sitting. but he refuses to eat white bread because “it’s not good for you.” what??? the cookies were made with white flour. just because the chocolate made them look brown does not mean that they’ve magically become whole wheat cookies.
the last time we got fast food, he threw away the white bun and ate the insides. and when i asked him what he was doing, he said, “white flour is incredibly bad for you.”
i choose to eat whole grain bread because i like the texture of the seeds. i like that it adds its own components to a sandwich. but if i go into a store and there’s two options: a sandwich i don’t care for but it’s on whole wheat bread or a sandwich i really enjoy that’s on white, i’ll choose the white bread. i am so frustrated by his subliminal shaming. he has no idea what healthy, balanced eating is and he should not be preaching to me in the first place because that’s not his role.
- normal people: i'm so excited for the party tomorrow
- me: i'm so excited to go grocery shopping tomorrow
awhh, thank you. :)
i’ve had my fair share of relapses, too, but all it takes is one second of being incredibly determined to steer you in the right direction. for me, that moment was when i said yes to treatment on the show. keep fighting and don’t give up on yourself. you’re worth recovery. <3
wow, thank you. :’) keep on fighting!
“a documentary on compulsive disorders” is what they told me. they said the name was unknown at the time, which is common for new productions.
now i’ve got word that we’re not renewing the rent for our kiosk, meaning on june 30th everyone will be laid off. i don’t know what this means for me. i’ll be looking for another job incase i don’t get the transfer i’m expecting, regardless it’s all very stressful and overwhelming right now. a month is better than a weeks notice though, i guess.
onestagetothenext replied to your post: onestagetothenext replied to your post: I’m 18 and…
I’m sorry. I was just sharing the facts I was given when I was put on waiting lists, in Ontario. 2 years? That’s insane!
don’t apologize! what you said is generally the right idea, but there are other circumstances that contribute to how long your weight might be. unfortunately, in ontario treatment at least, those with lower bmi’s take priority. if you’re on the weight list for however long and someone comes along who appears to be “sicker” than you because of their weight, they will be moved ahead of you.
this is why i recommend to everyone that they put their name on as many waiting lists as possible. you may be pushed down on one, but on another someone may remove themselves from the list or no longer want treatment and your name will be pushed up.
onestagetothenext replied to your post: I’m 18 and live in Ontario. I would like to go to a treatment facility. OHIP covers but from what I’ve heard it takes a long time for it to happen (months). Is there anyway they would cover me in a couple days or no? Is it possible some people can have a better/faster coverage like a person who has good money compared to a unwealthy person? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I don’t know how to say it properly.
Waiting lists in Canada are approx. 4-6, although it depends on what kind of coverage you have as well (semi and private coverage is a little faster usually). I would definitely recommend getting on the waiting list anyways, best of luck xo
this isn’t entirely accurate. waiting lists can claim to be however long but the actually waiting time varies. i was on one waiting list where it took 2 years for my name to come up. my recommendation to people who can’t afford private treatment (which is the best option because it’s the fastest and you can never start recovery too early) is to put your name on every single waiting list that exists near you and have a support team while you wait (doctor, private therapist or ohip covered therapist if the wait isn’t too long, etc.).
unless something extremely rare and lucky for you occurs, then there is no chance of you getting into treatment in a couple of days. in canada, it’s not about the money. obviously, more money needs to be put into treatment facilities here but unfortunately, no matter how much money you have it is about the space that they have to hold patients.
if you have the money to do so, look into private treatment in the states. you’ll probably be looking at $50,000-$100,000 for your stay. it is unfortunate that treatment facilities put a price tag on someone’s life, but if you’re one of the lucky ones who has the funds to make it work, go for it.
i’m sorry i don’t have better news for you in that regard. <3
keep in mind that what works for me might not work for you. so try everything so you have plenty of options, and only continue to do what truly works.
when i’m struggling, the first thing i do is i rat my eating disorder out. secrets keep you sick. when you tell on your eating disorder, both it in its entirety and the specific urges you are having lose power. next, i make a plan with one of my supports regarding what will help me move forward from whatever my current struggle is. since i was struggling with purging last month, i decided to start planning my meals ahead of time. since i’m on intuitive eating, i plan the food i want to have the night before and then when i eat the next day i serve myself according to my hunger. it’s important to make a plan of action because you can say you won’t do something and you can feel guilty over something, but in order to move past it you must take steps forward.
and lastly, i always have things i can do if i’m feeling urges. i know what i like to do and so after i ratted myself out and made a plan of action, i’ll engage in something. lately for me this means social walks, feel-good movies, self-care, bubble baths and hugs.
and yes, i have felt like giving up. i haven’t much since i left treatment but there have been moments where i want to quit. i snap out of these moments quickly simply by reminding myself that i’m a miracle. after everything i put my body through, i should be dead today but i’m not. for some reason i’m still here today and that’s when i realize i’m not finished yet. i can’t quit because i’ve been given the gift of life so many times and it would be selfish tow waste it.
it really all varies on the person you’re telling. also, you didn’t say whether or not your parents know about your eating disorder in the first place so i’m going to answer based on either situation.
when i told my parents, they had no knowledge of eating disorders. they knew what i was saying was bad, but they had no idea how to support me. and after a little while, they thought i was just a rebellious teenager starving for the wrong attention. later on, as my parents came to more therapy sessions with me and read literature, they were more supportive and understood the illness better. when i told them i needed help, they fought to find the help with me.
that being said, if your parents aren’t aware of your eating disorder, i would recommend maybe printing some literature off the internet, or buying a book for them, or having them watch educational videos relating to your eating disorder after you tell them. if they already know, then just be 100% honest. there is absolutely no wrong way of asking for help or telling someone you have an eating disorder. the most important thing is that you don’t continue to live in secrecy anymore. expect your parents to want to take control of your eating disorder and do not fear that. it is necessary to surrender your control over your eating disorder in order to get better, but let your parents know that you should be guided through your recovery by a team of professionals and they should follow suit with what they recommend.
i have complete faith in you that you will find the strength you need to both tell them and take the next step to treatment. keep fighting, love. <3
seek the help of a nutritionist to develop a meal plan specifically designed for you, then plan your meals ahead of time (a day before), set times to eat and in between those times be sure to have something you enjoy distracting you. this is what benefited me most when i came home from treatment. i knew what i had to eat and i always engaged in volunteering, support groups, and social activities when i wasn’t eating. it helped me follow a schedule because there was an outlined plan for me that day and i knew the meal plan was designed for maintenance so i wasn’t gaining and as long as i followed the meal plan i was okay. eventually my body adapted to being hungry at certain meal times and i’m now eating intuitively thanks to the practice i had with my meal plan.
lastly, i don’t know what you consider “crap,” but keep in mind it’s okay to treat yourself. i indulge at least once a day and i’m doing just fine. <3
fixing-annie replied to your post: every single time leighton meester pops on my dash…
OH HI CASS WHAT’S- wait, nop, not her. leighton again
also tell me you know who cassandra is or i’ll feel stupid ok
hehe, but apparently i look like ashley tisdale now?????
when teachers can just fucking round up but they don’t so i have a 92.76738138927487239857928 whatever in their class it makes me SO MAD just round the god damn number
i got a 99.9% in careers (easy course). i mean, really?
- 11 year olds today: omg i luhv smokin pot omfg i get drunk off lyke my moms wine coolers lol sometimes i take an extra vitamin in the morning so i can get that high lol! on tumblr i reblog sex because unfff me and my boyfriend fuck almost twice a day. im a bad bitch lol one time my mom yelled at me because she said i cant be bringin boys up to my room so i said FUCK YOU lol i do what i want yolo!!
- me when I was 11: omg did I forget to feed my neopet this morning
haha, ashley tisdale, really? she actually drives me nuts. thank you though. :)
It’s proving to be extremely annoying.
ask someone you trust who hasn’t struggled from an eating disorder for a reality check. i look to my boyfriend for reality checks. example: i feel like i ate too much but i can’t tell if that’s my eating disorder or i actually did eat too much. what do you think?
sometimes you need someone else to help distinguish your thoughts. eating disorders are con artists - they want you to be confused.
i need to get my ass to bed. it’s 1 am and i have to be up for work in the morning. since i’m working a closing shift, i had to pack my lunch, dinner and snacks and i also decided to prepare my breakfast for the morning so i have some extra time to sleep in. and since my sister is struggling with her intake lately (she also has an eating disorder), i decided i’d help her out and pack her what i made for myself.
can i just go to bed now so i can wake up and eat yummy food again?
i’ve actually been having such a hard time! i have about 6 episodes planned on paper, and even some i’ll play out in my head. despite all my experience with being on camera, i get camera shy when it’s something i want to talk about, not something i’m being interviewed on. i really want to have at least one up by the end of the week.
Why single them out?
They are women.
I just support women, all women.
hehe, thank you. :) mitch got a little worried when he saw what looked like “progress photos” on my phone but i reassured him that i was celebrating. i desire absolutely no change to my current body. i mean, let’s be real… i’ll probably just be creeping my own tumblr one day and the photo’s will show up and i’ll be like “oh daaayum who’s that babe?” and then i’ll be like “oh right, that’s me.” actually, i already did that. no shame. :)